Searching For Words

“…words come when they are needed. And when there aren’t sufficient words, that’s okay too.”

A routine is difficult. Establishing and protecting the integrity of our habits and rituals is part of what defines our personalities. In the wake of current events (#prayforOrlando, #LoveisLove), any semblance of routine I find to be welcome. While we all grieve differently, it serves as a typical defense mechanism to bury ourselves in work, routine, laughter, and distraction. Some find this inappropriate, but there is no wrong way to heal.

A little over a year ago I took on a new weekly routine. I vowed to myself that on a weekly basis, every Tuesday evening I would prepare a blog post related to the world of dance and my exploration as a professional dancer and dance teacher, to be posted bright and early Wednesday A.M.. When considering the frequency, a daily post felt like too much of a commitment, whereas the bi-weekly option seemed like a cop-out. So I went with a weekly commitment.

I’ve skipped a week here and there (this being my 47th post) for various reasons-sickness, vacation/family time, lack of the appropriate words to describe my feelings…Although my routine is flexible and something that I personally control, I’ve done my best to develop this habit in a religious fashion. Two Sundays ago, I sat in the pew of the church I grew up in years ago, sandwiched between my mother and my childhood dance teacher. As our priest began the weekly homily, it occurred to me that his reflections on the word of God are a weekly responsibility-one that the entire congregation depends on. While the readings we study and the topics he chooses to explore vary each week, as the liturgical year passes, the moral lessons and insight generally remain the same. Now, I don’t mean to compare myself  to a pastor who delivers the word of God each week. Rather, I address the challenge of our rituals, even those we hold dear to our hearts.

With such a broad spectrum of possibilities, it can be difficult to corral one’s thoughts into a strong hypothesis each week. But nine times out of ten, we try to make it happen for ourselves. Because whether your ritual is a religion or a passion or a way of life, it is something you love and care deeply about. It can be difficult to cultivate new thoughts & ideas, but words come when they are needed. And when there aren’t sufficient words, that’s okay too.

I struggle…with this blog sometimes, and with a million other things, trivial and consequential. But I know I am not alone. I know that everything happens for a reason (happens for a reason blog link), and I cherish this time in my life because it is mine to mold as I wish. Thank you to all of you, who support me on my journey by visiting me here each week. You are the fuel that energizes me, and know that I am here for you too.

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